commit or not commit, that is the dilema!
Commitment.
To commit or not commit, this is the delima.
Dictionary explains;
- "Commitment as meaning; the act of pledging
- the state of being pledged
- an obligation or promise etc that restricts freedom of
action
- formerly from the word ' mittimus' which was
a legally written order of a court directing that a person
be imprisoned."
I t is the later explaination that seems to be ingrained
upon many persons psyche when realising the act of commitment.
It finds its way transposed into meaning "ownership"
of another person. From being two single individuals,
one deems a sence of ownership of the other. Some persons
give their freedom willingly, ingnorant or blind to the
knowledge that no-one person has the human right to own
another in this day and age.
The thought of pledging ones self to another for ever is
terrifying. I don't know this week if I want to even
share my home with another adult, let alone be obligated
to sharing my space with the same person, day after day for
the rest of my life. Peoples tastes, interests and desires
are ever evolving, so thinking of being with the same partner
for 30, 50 or more years sounds unrealalistic. I have been
totally committed to the jobs I have held, at the time I had
them. But even I have completely changed my career direction
several times. So the concept of being in the one job, one
partnership for life, seems truely quixotic.
Looking back at people I have had realtions with, I shudder
to think how things may have turned out, if I had made a life
commitment with any of them. The qualities that attracted
us to eachother then, have changed greatly, for me anyway.
As we age and experience things in our life it broadens our
perspective and alters our values.
Just as we grow and evolve in other aspects of our lives,
so too does our animalistic need to pair with others. All
to often we find our selves giving more consideration to
finding satisfying employment than we do to deciding weather
to share a home with a partner or not. Even the state of Defacto
is now recognised as a pledge /commitment to another, and
with that now, comes new rules and expectations of obligations
to eachother.
Regardless of if the commitment is a business partnership
or a personal relationship, there are now more legal restrictions
imposed on us. Any wonder we are reluctant to make formal
commitments, the price or personal cost has increased
greatly.
Some see Defacto as a traversty of marriage, while others
view both states as of equal dedication. For me personally,
I still feel that there is a deeper level of devotion in the
state of marriage than in a defacto. I still hold some sence
of christian values in that if a couple are planning to have
children, that they should be in a commitment of marriage
before procreating. This value stems from societies slowness
in changing stigmas imposed on illegitimate kids. It seems
totally unfair that children should suffer humiliation
and prejudice because of their parents inability to commit
in a socially acceptable manner.
Why am I reluctant to enter a relationship with any commitment?
I am not currently willing to give up my independance. Nor
am I sure that I want to share my personal space and bed, with
another person indefinately. The surrendering of these
things may seem trivial, but it is these things, that feed
my sence of identity as 'A' person, not someone
belonging to or an extention of , another being. I am a person
in my own right. I am waiting to find someone who can encourage
me to maintain my individuality, and celebrate with me
the joy that people can give eachother by enhancing eachothers
talents and gifts, while not running away at the first signs
of lifes pressures. This is a tall order, but as one grows
older and some what cynical, one becomes more content with
ones own company. In other words, I'd rather continue
my life walk alone than in a commitment of convenience.
whats your take on this dilema?
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