One Heart, Two People
What do you do when you're in a stalled relationship
with a man you love and you meet another man who makes your
heart leap out of your chest? I'll tell you what I did.
I was in a relationship with "A" for over a year
and for all intents and purposes I thought he was the one
I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Time passed
and we spent less and less time together due to work. He was
always tired and we almost completely stopped having sex.
I felt isolated and alone and very empty. I was in a new job
with a lot of new and interesting people, especially "B".
He was the rebel, the one who always made you smile, the one
when he looked at you, it was as if it burned into your soul.
Kind, caring, understanding, gentle but very reserved,
trying to get under his guard was a challenge that I was willing
to go for, if only to find out what else lay beneath. The more
time I spent with "B", the more I saw the flaws
in my relationship with "A" and it confused
me. I loved "A" and I had barely known "B",
yet I longed to be with him. What I didn't want to do was
cheat on my long time flame for a man who barely knew I existed?
It was as if my heart was torn in two - the love I felt for both
of them was equal but different. I desired the newness of
being with a the new man but didn't relish relinquishing
my security with the old one. What was worse was, I couldn't
bring myself to tell "B" my feelings for him
- I could only express them by small actions that wouldn't
affect our working relationship. And he such the gentleman
as he was, always reminding me of the one I had at home (ha!
the one who paid no attention to me or my feelings, the one
who made me cry when he berated me for being sensitive).
I thought that my head would explode from the stress of shouldering
the weight of my heart but I came up with the only solution
that would benefit all three of us...I moved away to a different
state, while staying with the company I so loved. "A"
doesn't have to deal with an overly-sensitive partner
and while I still have to work with "B", it is
with great distance between us and the pain of having to
see him everyday is gone. I still love them both but I couldn't
choose one over the other so I left them both. Everyone living
their own life without emotion involved. What other choice
did I have?
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