"Could have been worse..."
There once was a country store, where the old-timers sat
around swappinf stories all day around the old stove in
the back.
One of these old timers, Mr. Whiggins, was the ost cantankerous,
by far. His answer to every story, every anecdote, was "Could
have been worse."
It drove his fellow oldsters CRAZY. So, one day, the decided
to stump him... to tell a story so shocking and terrible,
that he couldn't say his hackneyed old reply.
So, just on time, Mr. Whiggins sidles in the door, and takes
up his seat by the fire. One oldster winks at the other, and
begins his story:
"I hear tell that t'other day, Mr. Johnson came
home early from work, and found Mrs. Johnson in bed with
another man! And it was none other than the preacher! And
then y'know what? Mr. Johnson took out his shotgun,
drove em both out into the street and gunned both of em down
in cold blood! And THEN, he used the chipper in the backyard
to chop up the bodies into mulch, which he spread all over
his garden!"
Everyone was in shock... bug-eyed and slack-jawed, with
disbelief and disgust on every face.
...except Mr. Whiggins. He just nodded, somber-faced.
"Could have been worse, " he said slowly.
"HOW IN THE HELL COULD IT HAVE *POSSIBLY* BEEN ANY
WORSE?!" the storyteller exclaimed.
Mr Whiggins grinned. "If he'd come home early
on tuesday, it would have been ME."
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